The Ikaris

Chapter 2: Law & Order... & that little video-thingy

Hiroya Matsura felt uneasy, as usual, when it came to this. To be exact, this was what he hated most at his now, almost five years, in his job as lawyer.
Divorces always told a sad story of shattered trust, misunderstanding and/or misinterpreted feelings of which they thought it was love.
It was even worse for the children, if the couple had some.

Yet, he didn't know what it was like, if the children were the couple.

"So," he began, looking in his file about the two teenagers, who were sitting in front of his desk, "Mr. and Mrs. Ikari..."

"Soryu!" the red-haired girl interrupted, who had obviously lost her calm a long time ago.


"The name is Soryu!"

Perplexed, he glanced back at the folder. "Oh, I guess they gave me the wrong dossier then."

"N-no," the boy stuttered. He seemed to be the exact opposite of the furious girl; barley looking up to him and even less to her; nervous, as if he was to be executed. "I am Shinji Ikari."


"There's no way I'll take HIS name!"

"Oh, but the file says, you have, Mrs. Ik-"

"Don't say it!"



"Alright, alright!" Hiroya sighed. 'No wonder, the boy is like this with such a wife.'
"How long have you two been married anyway?"

"L-last night..." the young Mr. Ikari mumbled.

Startled again, the lawyer took another glance at the file. The boy was right. 'Whoever write these is surely fast.'
"So I guess it wasn't a very fulfilling marriage?" he asked.

"Well, you see, we..."

"He got me drunk!" the girl cut him off.

"I DID NOT!" the other teen blurted, before he regained his sheepish attitude. "I... I mean, at least I don't think so..."

"See? He's always like that! How could anyone stand him?"


Hiroya shifted his gaze between the two as their argument went on.

"You're sure, you've not been married longer?" he interrupted. "Judging by your behavior, you're just like a couple that is married for years..."

He immediately regretted his joke, as he was encountered by the death glare of the redhead.

"Uh, okay, let's get this settled..." He nervously flipped the pages of the dossier, without really searching for something. Finally, he regained his professional attitude, cleared his throat and folded his hands. "Am I right, that the two of you agree on this divorce?"

"He'd better!" Mrs. Ikari (or was it Soryu?) glared at her husband.

The boy just nodded.

"Good, that means we can speed things up a bit. Next, we'll need Application D-14 after §UW-36, three layers of the IHM-73 statement; green and yellow paragraph, permit A-38..." he trailed off as he saw two blank faces watching him, ", tell you what, I'll skip that part. It will go much faster anyway, if I take care of as much of the red tape as possible." And his instincts told him, that he would save a lot of his own nerves, the sooner he got rid of them.
"However," he sighed, "As part of the 'Family Forcing Declaration' of 2002, you will have to attended marriage councils; the number of these will depend on how fast you can convince the counselor that your marriage is not to be saved. The minimum amount is three. I will accompany you in the function of a notary. Any further questions?"

The young Mrs. Ikari/Soryu/Whatever pressed her nails into the armrests of her chair. "How long?" she asked coldly.

"Well, as I said; it depends. A few months, at least..."

"Months? I have to stay married to HIM for MONTHS??"

Hiroya said a last goodbye to the armrests and his eardrums.


"Well, if it isn't the Ikaris. Welcome home, to your little family residence," a way too cheerful Major greeted them as they arrived back to the apartment. Apparently unnoticed by her, one of Asuka's shoes flew by, missing her smiling face only by a few inches.


"Oooh, so touchy. But I can understand. Divorces aren't much fun."

"Ah, Misato, how come you're in such a good mood?" Shinji feebly tried to intervene, before the next world war would break loose in this apartment.

"Oh, you see, PenPen here," she slumped down and patted the distracted bird on it's head, "had saved some beer from your engagement ceremony."

"Oh, please..." Asuka rolled her eyes.

Misato didn't listen, instead, she kept on ruffling the head of her, at least for now, beloved pet. "Yes, you're a good penguin, aren't you?"


"Hey, no need to be offensive! Your name wasn't on these cans!"


"Beak marks don't count!"

Soon lost in the 'conversation', she forgot about the two teenagers, who sweat dropped as they saw their guardian and commanding officer talking to a penguin.

Asuka leaned over to her unwanted husband. "Are you or me going to tell her that she isn't able to understand a thing he says?"

Shinji gave a small nod. "You're right. He isn't even talking about the beer..."

Her jaw dropped. Was everyone but her going crazy? But on the other hand, Shinji was always...
Wait a moment, she was still mad at Shinji!
Just as she was about to yell at him once more, the doorbell rang and he, being dutiful as usual, went to get it.

About a minute later he came back, carrying a semi-flat package in both hands, his face bright red.

"Who was it?" Misato asked, her attention obviously shifted again from the thankful bird to the married couple.

"A... a delivery boy..."

"And what was it that he delivered?" the redhead growled.

"A... a package..."

Seeing two pairs of impatient human and one pair of questioning penguin eyes on him, he quickly continued. "...f-for t-the Ikaris..."

"What? Give me that!" Asuka exclaimed as she tried to grasp it out of his hands.
Unfortunately for her, a certain grinning Major was faster.


"Let's see, what we've got here..." Despite the protest of the Children, she ripped the packet open on the run, while evading the redhead's attempts to 'secure' it seemingly fleet-footed. "Uuh, it's from 'The Little Tokyo-3 24/7 Wedding Chapel'," Misato began to read the attached letter, inwardly laughing at Asuka's futile attempts to stop her.
" 'Dear Mr. and Mrs. Ikari, we have noticed that you forgot the video of your blissful...' uuhh, blissful? ', that was part of our 'Wed'n'Go'-service you chose. Thus, herewith, we send it to you. We hope you enjoy your marriage.
We would be glad, if we can offer our services to you again...' "

"V-video?" a beet red Shinji stuttered.


"Ouch!" Asuka fell on backwards on the floor, after hitting the wall, when Misato evaded her last forceful thrust to reclaim the dreaded package.

"VIDEO TIME!" the tipsy woman declared, as she hold up the outdated VHS tape and made a run for the TV.

Holding her head, the Second Children slowly regained her senses and forced herself up. "Hey, wait! NO!"

"Misato, I don't think we should..." Shinji tried to stop the inevitable.

Too late.

The Major had already put the tape in the old-fashioned VCR, pressed play, and placed herself protectively in front of it. Apparently unnecessary, since, may it have been the fear of what to come or plain curiosity, neither of the teens nor the ignored penguin tried to interrupt this time.
The video- and audio quality of the tape was - as to be expected - extremely poor, but it was possible to identify two, obviously very drunk EVA-pilots and a seemingly nervous minister.
Asuka was saying something to him, gesturing at her and then at Shinji.

"Ah... eh... okay. Ehem, so, do you Asuka Langley Soryu take this Shinji Ikari to be your beloved husband, in good and bad times, in rich and poor till..."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do. Come un, I've nod all time, y'know?"

"Uagh! I can't believe I've said that!" Asuka grimaced, sitting close enough in front of the TV that she blocked most of the view. Directly next to her sat Misato, sipping on a beer, which she had seemingly pulled out of nowhere.

"Well, you obviously did," she teased.

"Em... Do we really have to watch this? I mean..." Shinji shyly tried to eye the screen from above.

PenPen was just watching the strange behavior of his three roomates. "Wark?"

"Eh... well then, do you Shinji Ikari take this Asuka Langley Soryu to be your beloved wife, in good and bad times, rich and poor, till death part you?"

"Weee... Yes!" Shinji grinned at Asuka. "Ha! Se..."
The rest wasn't understandable.

"I should kill him for that!" Asuka's eye began to twitch.

"You shouldn't do that. Being his wife, you'd be a main suspect, who just wanted his heritage."

"I don't have that much, just my SDAT and my cello..."


The minister continued. "So, I declare you to be Husband and Wife. You may now kiss the bride."

Four pairs of eyes widened in an instant.


They looked at each other...

"I think he will..."

Some words were exchanged...

"Could I actually have...?"

They leaned forward...


They closed their eyes...






Asuka was furious.

Misato was chirpy.

Shinji was growing stiff from embarrassment and fear.

PenPen was hungry.

Pretty long kiss...

"I would say you liked it, Asuka!" Misato broke the silence.

"Can't you see?!? I'm struggling against that pervert!"

"It looks more to me, as if your were clamping on to him..."

"I'M NOT!!"

Meanwhile, PenPen continued to peck Shinji, who still just stared at the screen, not blinking, not moving.


A/N: Guys, you're killin' me! ~50 reviews for one chapter of what I considered to become my idea-dumping ground. *sigh*
You know what that means? Fans lead to Hype. Hype leads to over exaggeration. Over exaggeration leads to disappointment. Disappointment leads to blaming the Author. Blaming the Author leads to his self depression...
Oh, what the heck am I saying? Thank you very much!
But, I'll be fair with you and me: As I said before, I'm going to mix this (at least to some extend) with the actual storyline, as well with some, not necessary very good, fitting or innovative ideas. Even though I'll try my best to adept these, I can already hear the voice demanding my death as author for the 'ending'. Why 'ending' and not ending? Well, unlike the One Shot-version (which most likely will come afterwards), I'm not going to finish this. How's that something good, you ask? Oh, don't worry. Once I've finished the 'main storyline' I will add a chapter whenever I can think of a new one. In other words: This will be a never-ending fic!
Another warning... oh, how to say this... you see, I haven't placed the genre as GENERAL/Humor for nothing. What I'm trying to say is, thanks to the fusion, the Humor may drop in some parts...
I'm not saying it'll vanish; there'll simply be some up'n'downs here and there. This wont be as bad as the show itself, or even turn into a darkfic or something...



is there anyone left...?

Well, you better are, I've still got to do the actual A/N for this chapter.
Yes, it is short; yes, it could be more descriptive. After my pre-readers (finally) send me their replies, I've tried to add a bit, yet, knowing me, I've made things worse than they were. But in the end, that's for you to decide (If you want to compare, the unedited version can be found on my site).
And for the video, that was actually intended to show only a glimpse of the wedding. More of that will come with later chapters. *grin*

Ah, before I forget: Thanks to my pre-readers Seranov, Divine Chaos, Foxboy, dennisud and Lord Deathscythe.
I've never expected so many people not being able to open .rar-files...
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